The Final Chapter

We started to see signs at my cousin Chad's wedding in late May. My mother started to get winded all the time doing simple things. She had been working really hard to get her childhood home in Haw River, NC cleaned up for her family (Vince, Brian, Trish, Seth, Sean, TJ and Hilary) to come and visit during Chad's wedding. The house is on the same property that the family sand and stone company is located. My grandfather started this company after he decided he didn't want to be a brick mason for the rest of his life. When he passed away my Uncle Buster (Chad's Dad) took it over. While running the business from an outside office the occasionally come into the house to use the bathroom and kitchen area. My mother wanted this house to be spotless for all of her family so she spent a couple of weeks in May cleaning the house.

During the wedding my mom looked great until she got on the dance floor and got her breathing out of control. She sat down and ended up going back to the house early. She spent another couple of weeks down in Haw River with my dad's cousin Vita. She was really excited spending this time with Vita. She was proud to show Vita where she came from. While staying out the house many family members, friends, and extended family members stopped in to say hello. The house was alive again and Mom was happy.

However, happy times started to turn into troubled times. When she made it back to Virginia Beach she went to the doctors to check out why she was getting winded all the time. We all feel Mom already knew what the doctor was going to say. Her lungs were starting to fill up with fluid again. I say again because back in 2000 this happened once before and she had to get her lungs tapped and drained. She stated that this procedure was the most excruciating pain she has ever felt. So needless to say she was nervous to have this procedure again. On a side note at the same time my father had to get his shoulder operated on because of torn rotator cuff. Mom would not get her procedure done until my father had his surgery because she was worried he wouldn't get it done if something happened to her. She still was trying to take care of everyone else even though she couldn't even walk up the stairs without being out of breath. So dad got his surgery and he recovered at the house. Now Mom is ready to have her procedure done.

After a vacation with my wife and her sister's family at my parents Outer Banks beach house I went home to stay with mom and dad. I took mom to her lung procedure and she could barely walk from the car to the check in area before losing her breath. I was really nervous because when checking in my mom handed her living will over to the nurse. I didn't think this procedure could be life ending for my mother but she did. So we made it to the waiting room and once she was in a bed I went back to hang out with her. My mom is like a celebrity in the hospital. She had nurses she hadn't seen in years coming up to her and chatting with her. You must understand my mom had been dealing with cancer for over 20 years. She has made a lot of connections with medical personal from all over the Hampton Roads area. Finally the Dr. came in and was ready to start, the curtain closed and I left the area. It only lasted 10 minutes and I went back in. They had taken 1 and half liters of fluid from my mothers lungs!!! And they could have taken more but the limited was 1 and a half because they didn't want her to have a collapsed lung. She stated that the procedure was nothing like the first one at all. There was little to no pain involved. What a relief!

That happened July 23rd, 2008. About every 2 weeks after that she had to go through the same procedure. Finally her body started to tell her it has had enough. Around the middle of August she went into the hospital. We went down to visit with her this is when we found out her blood pressure was really bad and was like 60/40. However, while in the hospital her blood pressure jumped back up. During that visit we were back at the house and my dad asked my brother and I to come upstairs he had something he wanted to show us. He had nothing to show us he just wanted to tell us that Mom had made the decision to go into hospice care. The cancer has spread to her lungs and was on the move around her body. Her kidneys were starting to fail. There were really no options for her but to go into hospice care. She could continue to go to the hospital to get her lungs tapped to keep her comfortable. My moms biggest thing when making this decision was that she wanted dignity.

From the end of August until the end of September pretty much mom did everything she did before. She could walk with a cane move around the house with ease. She had oxygen and a pain pump attached to her but she seemed to be fine. She had a lot of family and friends come by and visit with her. But by the end of September she had what we call an incident. I was in Las Vegas attending my buddies wedding. My brother was in Virginia Beach with mom. By this weekend she was using a walker. On Saturday night she was trying to get up and fell over luckily my brother caught her and lifted her up almost pulling his back out. He got her in bed and gave her a couple of boosts in her pain medications because she was really out of breath. The next couple of days she was not right. She was very disoriented and her body wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain. The family thought this was the end and called me up when I was departing Las Vegas and told me to come home once I landed. When I got home she was out of it but by the next day she had perked up and was her same old self. She had lost a couple of days and didn't know what happened but seemed to rebound from this incident.

The month of October was a pretty much stable month for my mom. Don't get me wrong she was not doing great by the end of the month she was not able to stay out of bed very long with out getting tired. She was coherent and could keep up with everything going on. She also wanted to host a baby shower for my wife. So the first weekend of November she hosted a baby shower for Hilary. Carla (Really close family friend) and Trish (Sister in Law) helped organize and put on the shower. My mom stayed in her room and came out when everyone was there to hang out for a couple of hours. This took a lot out of my mom but like a said before she always worries about everyone else before she worries about herself. This was the last coherent weekend my mother had.

The month of November has been a rough month for my family. To watch this smart, strong, loving woman deteriorate has been extremely emotional for everyone. She has very few moments of clarity. As the month grew to an end so did her eating. Every couple of days she might want a bite of a Wendy's Frosty or Vanilla Bean Ice Cream but that is it a bite or two. Also in this month mom has been very uncomfortable due to a bed sore near her tailbone. She also doesn't get out of the bed anymore. Maybe she will turn off to the side and sit on the edge but that is all.

December hasn't been any better. My mother is no longer in this world she doesn't know anything going on around her and her pain medicine has been increased so that she will sleep longer if not all day. My dad has been with her everyday now and it has had its affect on him. He is ready for my mom to move on. I think we have all accepted that and all want her to move on. She would never want to be like this. No one would ever want to be like this.

I will keep you posted on her Final Chapter...Thanks for listening